Our Little Secret Read online

  “He’s a day old!” I exclaimed. “He doesn’t need germs.”

  “You’re going to end up with gray hair in six months if you keep going at this rate,” he warned.

  “I’m going to find my kid,” I said and slid off the stool.

  After frantically searching the ground floor, I finally found him outside on the patio with my mom. “Shh,” she shushed when I opened my mouth to scold her for taking him outside.

  “Why are you out here? There’s a breeze. He might get sick.”

  “There isn’t a breeze. We’re under the roof. He was fussy after eating. I brought him out here to settle him. He fell right to sleep.”

  “But Mom, he has a nursery,” I insisted.

  “Lukas, do you know how I used to get you to settle down?”

  “No,” I answered and sat in one of the patio chairs. I was going to keep a close eye on him. If he looked cold or hot or anything, I was whisking him back upstairs.

  “Fresh air,” she said. “I always thought you would grow up and be a park ranger or something outdoors. You loved being outside. Back then, we just had the tiny, covered porch. I made your dad move my rocking chair out there. I would spend hours outside with you. Everyone in the neighborhood would come by to keep me company. If I tried to rock you inside, you didn’t like it. Your son takes after his daddy.”

  I didn’t know why, but that puffed up my ego just a bit. My son was like me. “I didn’t know that,” I said.

  “You grew out of it eventually, but I swear I sat on that porch for the first six months of your life. I don’t know what it was, but you would always settle right down.”

  “Weird,” I said. “I wonder what it was. I’m certainly not the outdoorsy type now.”

  She laughed softly. “Maybe those six months got it all out of your system.”

  “Must have.”

  “How is River doing?” she asked.

  “Good. I think we’re both a little overwhelmed and anxious, but we have each other. She’s strong and when I get totally anal, she’ll pull me in.”

  “You’re a good team,” she said. “I’m so glad you found someone that is your match. She has a very calming spirit about her. I think that is going to do wonders for little Liam here. You’re wound a little tight. He’s going to need to balance that with her calmness.”

  “As much as I would love to deny that, I know it’s true,” I said. “I’m sure I drive River crazy.”

  “She loves you too much to let it drive her away,” she said with a knowing smile. “I hate to sound old-fashioned, but when do you plan on making an honest woman out of her? Living in sin with your baby is only acceptable for so long. I’m sure her father would feel much better about this whole situation if he knew you weren’t planning on running out the door anytime soon.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “We haven’t talked about it. We know we want to be together. That feels like enough.”

  “For who?” she asked. “For you, or for her? What about Liam? You have a little boy to think about. He is going to look to you as his role model.”

  “I know, I know. We’ve been busy getting her moved in and then working on the nursery. We had the birthing classes, and I was still working.”

  “Baby’s here. Nursery is done. You’re not working right now.”

  Mom was not going to let up. She was an old southern woman and things were done a particular way. You could move the woman out of the south, but there was no getting the south out of the woman.

  “I’m going to talk to her about it,” I said.

  She scowled at me. “How romantic, son.”

  “What? This concerns her too.”

  “No woman wants to be consulted about whether or not you should propose to her,” she scolded.

  “I’m not sure if she would agree with that,” I said. “I assumed she wanted to move in with me and that damn near cost me everything. I don’t want to make any more assumptions.”

  “This is different,” she said. “Trust me. If you truly want to marry her, which if you don’t, then that’s another discussion. But if you want to marry her, take a leap of faith and ask her. If she shuts you down, then at least you tried. You have to show her you’re willing to jump and trust her.”

  I understood what she was saying. “I’ll let you know,” I said.

  * * *

  “Can I get you anything?” I asked River after everyone was gone.

  “No thank you,” she answered. “Just peace.”

  I shut off the lights in the kitchen and moved to sit beside her on the couch. Liam was resting in the basinet we were keeping in the living room. I grabbed her ankles and put them on my lap so I could rub her feet.

  “That was one hell of a homecoming,” I said.

  “It was, but it was good. I had a lot of fun. I love your family.”

  “They love you,” I told her.

  Liam started to fuss. She got up to get him out of the basinet. “I changed him. I fed him. I’m not sure what else there is to do.”

  I could hear her frustration. “Let me try.”

  I took him from her and did a little bounce. He continued to fuss.

  “I’ll try feeding him again,” she said. “I’m not sure I’m doing it right. It doesn’t feel like anything is happening.”

  “I’ll get your pillow,” I said and handed her the baby.

  She started to feed him, but Liam was just not having it. I wasn’t sure what to do to help. I could see her growing frustrated. “Maybe I should change him again,” she said.

  “Stay, I’ll do it,” I told her.

  I took him back and carried him upstairs. I went through the ritual of changing him and wrapping him up tight again. I tried to sooth him, but it just didn’t seem to make a difference.

  “Do you want to go outside?” I asked him.

  “Outside?” River asked with surprise.

  “Mom did it earlier and it worked. She said I was always soothed when she took me outside.”

  She sighed and leaned her head against the doorframe. “I guess it doesn’t hurt to try.”

  “Why don’t you get ready for bed? I’ll get him down.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Remember, we have to do this in shifts. We have to sleep when we can.”

  She smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re so amazing.”

  “Don’t praise me yet,” I warned. “I still have to try and get him to sleep.”

  “Call me if you need me,” she said.

  “I will. Get some sleep.”

  I carried Liam downstairs and out onto the patio. I bounced and hummed. Miraculously, it seemed to work. He stopped crying. I kept swaying and humming until I was certain he was asleep. I went back inside and crept upstairs. River was still awake.

  “Is he asleep?” she whispered.

  I nodded. “He is. But we have a problem.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know how to put him down.”

  She got off the bed and very carefully pulled him from my arms. I watched as she bent over with him still pressed against her chest. She was practically in the bed with him before she put him down. Then she stood up. We both stared down at him. Neither of us moved or breathed as we watched him.

  When he didn’t move and didn’t fuss, we both exhaled. “It worked,” she whispered.

  “Winter is going to be a bitch,” I said. “I’ll have to get heaters out there.”

  She quickly climbed into bed. I shed my clothes down to my underwear and crawled in beside her. I pulled her against my chest. “I’d love to chat and talk all about how awesome our baby is, but I’m exhausted, and I know you are too.”

  “I am. Good night. We’ll talk tomorrow. I’ll take first shift.”

  I nodded and murmured something to the effect of okay. I was already falling asleep. The last two days had been long. Getting to sleep in my own bed felt good.

  39

  River

 
I woke up and immediately knew Liam wasn’t beside me in the little co-sleeper. I looked to my other side to make sure Lukas wasn’t in bed with me. I didn’t see Lukas, but I saw a single red rose resting on the pillow.

  “Ahh,” I murmured and reached for the rose. I inhaled the scent and sat up.

  He spoiled me. He made me feel like a queen. I was a fan of historical anything and was familiar with the gifts kings gave their queens when they were able to successfully deliver a male heir. Some were granted castles. I didn’t get a castle, but the man had rewarded me in kindness. Not just kindness, but thoughtfulness. He genuinely seemed to care.

  It was the little things he did. He made me breakfast when he was up before me, which was almost every day. I usually got up at four to feed Liam. Lukas got up at six with the baby. We had finally settled into a bit of a routine. It only took two months, but we were there. I had abandoned breastfeeding much to the horror of my pediatrician and his mother. His sisters understood and were a little more supportive. I gave it a good six weeks, but I felt like it never quite took. I had consulted a nursing coach and watched countless videos. Liam was a big boy and I felt like he was much happier stuffing himself on a full bottle.

  “It’s our choice,” I said the words Lukas kept telling me every time I felt a wave of guilt. Every time I felt like a total failure, he assured me we were doing what was best for us.

  I walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower. We were trying to establish a routine for when Lukas started back to work in a month. I would only have a few minutes in the morning to shower before he went to work. Then it was all me. Liam and I would spend the day together by ourselves. I was kind of nervous for that first day, but I was also confident I could do it.

  I headed downstairs and heard the familiar whirring sound of the baby swing. Liam was sound asleep as the swing gently rocked him back and forth.

  “Breakfast is ready,” Lukas said in soft tones.

  “What time did he get up?” I asked and took a bite of toast.

  Lukas grinned. “He slept in. I was awake before him.”

  “Really? Do you think we’ve crossed the next hurdle?”

  “Maybe,” he said. “I really think he likes that extra bottle before bed. He certainly seems to sleep better.”

  “He only drank about three ounces at four,” I said.

  This was our normal morning routine. We talked about our son’s eating, sleeping and pooping habits. I didn’t feel like we were in a stale state, but I knew something was going to have to change.

  “Thank you for the rose this morning,” I said. “You sure know how to treat a girl right.”

  “You’re welcome. The rose is a precursor to what’s to come.”

  “What’s to come?” I asked.

  “I’ve planned a date night,” he announced.

  My first reaction was no. “He’s not even two months old,” I said.

  “He’s seven weeks, almost eight,” he replied. “We need to get out of the house. We need to wear clothes that don’t have spit-up. We need to eat a dinner without holding a baby.”

  I gnawed my lip. We’d been talking about this night for weeks. Now that it was actually here, I was the one apprehensive. Initially, I’d been the one to push it. He’d been reluctant because he didn’t want to leave the baby.

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  “I’m a thousand-percent sure. Just dinner. Two hours tops.”

  “Your mom?” I asked.

  “No, actually, someone else has been bugging me to take you out and she offered to come here, which is better for Liam.”

  “Gwen?” I asked and tried not to look like it was the worst idea in the world.

  “Yes, Gwen. She spends a lot of time with you and Liam. She knows his quirks and she knows your style. She really wants to do this.”

  He was right and we did need some time alone. “Okay,” I agreed. “I’m game.”

  “Great! I’ve already made reservations.”

  “Of course, you did,” I said with a laugh. “You’re very confident.”

  The rest of our day flew by taking care of Liam and it wasn’t long before we were both getting ready for our date night. It was both strange and amazing to be leaving the house without Liam. I glanced over at Lukas, who looked handsome as hell in his suit. It’d been almost two months since I saw him in a suit. We’d both given up on fashion. If it was clean and didn’t have poop, pee, or vomit on it, it was perfect.

  He took me to a very nice restaurant. We sipped wine and ate food that was actually hot and fresh. “I so needed this,” I said after we finished our meal.

  “We both did,” he said.

  A waiter approached the table with a slice of chocolate cake. “Dessert,” he said before disappearing.

  “Uh oh,” I said. “I think he delivered that to the wrong table.”

  “He didn’t,” he said. “I ordered it for you.”

  “You did? When?”

  He offered a small smile. “You deserve it.”

  I wasn’t going to reject chocolate cake. I picked up the fork and sliced into it only to find it was essentially hollow. There was a little black box inside the cake. “What’s this?” I asked.

  “Open it.”

  Tears welled in my eyes. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but all signs were pointing to a ring. What kind of ring was the question? I opened the box with shaking hands. It was a simple, gorgeous, and very classy diamond ring surround by a cluster of smaller diamonds.

  I looked up at him. “It’s beautiful.”

  “I didn’t want to make an assumption, but this is something I thought was best done as a surprise. I love you, River. I love the family we’ve created. I want to solidify that family. I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”

  I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from squealing. I bobbed my head up and down. “Yes. Absolutely.”

  He let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god. I really had no idea which way that was going to go.”

  I laughed and wiped the tears running down my cheeks. “What do you mean?”

  “After my huge screwup assuming you wanted to live with me, I was worried I was assuming you would want to marry me. Then the whole hiding the ring in the cake thing. The last time I tried a creative surprise, things didn’t go well. I was so worried they would lose it or deliver the cake to the wrong table.”

  “Oh baby, this is so perfect,” I said with a laugh through my tears.

  “So, just to confirm, we’re getting married, right?”

  I couldn’t contain my laughter. “Yes.”

  “Thank god.”

  “I’m going to check and see how Gwen is doing,” I said. “Maybe we don’t have to go home right away.”

  “Works for me.”

  I quickly texted her to make sure everything was okay. “All good,” I said. “We can stay out a little longer.”

  “What’d you have in mind?” he asked. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

  I slowly shook my head. “I was thinking we could go by my apartment.”

  “To pick up paint stuff?”

  I smiled. “No. To be alone. Completely alone with no chance of being interrupted.”

  His eyes widened a second before his hand shot in the air. “Check, please. Check!”

  He drove like a bat out of hell to the apartment I was going to give up at the end of the month. There was no need to keep it, especially now that we were going to be planning a wedding. He put the car in park so fast and we took off racing up the stairs like a couple of teenagers that knew the parents weren’t home.

  “It’s like déjà vu,” I whispered as he pushed me against the wall inside the apartment. His mouth covered mine as his hands roamed over my body.

  “I’ve missed you,” he groaned. “You’re sure this is okay?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “I didn’t bring a condom,” he said and stepped back.

  “I don’t care,” I said. “I want you and
I want you now. We don’t have time to worry about that. We can’t be the only two people in the world that get pregnant on the first try, can we?”

  He smirked as he turned me around to unzip my dress. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly flush in the luck department.”

  My dress dropped to the floor. I turned to face him and he stripped out of his suit in record time. I couldn’t resist him and lunged forward to kiss him. My hands moved down his ribcage and helped him shove off his pants. I reached for his erection before his pants were down his legs.

  “Damn, I’ve missed this,” I whispered.

  I dropped to my knees in front of him and took him deep into my throat. I only got in a few seconds of sucking before he was pulling me to my feet. “I need you now,” he said in a guttural voice.

  He turned me around and put both of my hands against the wall before sliding them together and holding my wrists with one of his hands. His other hand moved between my legs. He stroked over my folds before slipping one finger over my clit. It had been so long since I orgasmed. I could feel one just on the verge. I imagined he was experiencing the same thing. I bent forward and arched my back.

  One finger slipped inside me, stroking deep before rubbing my wetness over my clit. I moaned and rested my forehead against the wall. “Take me,” I begged.

  He stepped close, his dick rubbing over my ass as his chest pressed against my back. He nuzzled my neck, attacking the one place that always made me crazy.

  “I’m going to,” he said. “I’m going to take you now and then when we get home, I’m going to drag you into the spare room and take you again. I’m going to take you so many times you’re going to pass out.”

  I moaned and rubbed my ass against his erection. “Do it. Please. Now.”

  He used his hand to guide himself to my opening. He pushed in just the tip. It took my body a second to adjust to the invasion. We were both breathing hard as he pushed himself deeper inside me. When he was balls deep, I released a long, contented sigh. I had missed this intimacy with him. I leaned my head to the side, inviting him to suck my neck like I loved. He obliged.