Our Little Secret Read online

  This felt a little offensive. She could have at least mentioned she was leaving. Then again, maybe she tried to wake me up. I had consumed a lot of alcohol. It was nothing short of a miracle I was able to get it up and perform. I wasn’t so drunk I didn’t remember the night. I didn’t feel like I pressured her. She came to me quite willingly. That made me smile.

  After my breakfast, I cleaned up and went upstairs to shower. I didn’t have anything pressing to do today. Thank goodness. I wasn’t feeling exactly spry. I was going to work on my essay I would present when it was time. I would outline the many reasons why I deserved tenure.

  Last night had worked out great, but I didn’t make a lot of connections. Hopefully, the people that were there caught my performances and would see me as someone fun and approachable. Or they would think I wasn’t serious. I could prove the latter. It was a little tougher to prove you were fun when you were talking numbers and finance.

  Monday morning, I walked onto campus and headed for the cafeteria to grab coffee and a muffin. With my coffee in my hand, I found a table. I sat down and opened my laptop to get a jump on things. Brad joined me not five minutes later. I expected him really. It was our usual Monday morning routine. And I didn’t want to go to my office. I wasn’t quite sure what to say to River. After her great escape, I was having a lot of second thoughts about the whole thing.

  Brad was wearing sunglasses, a sign he was still hungover. “You look like one of the frat guys,” I said.

  He groaned. “I feel like one.”

  “Just twenty years older.”

  He pulled off his sunglasses. “Ten years.”

  “Fifteen years,” I retorted. “And fifteen years makes a big difference. Did you party through the night or is this a new hangover?”

  “This is the remnants of the weekend hangover. I might have overdone it.”

  “Gee, you think?” I said with a smirk. “You hooked up with someone from the party?”

  He curled his lip. “No. God no. Those people were on their way home and to bed by eleven, like you.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “My late dinner date changed her mind and went home. I went to that diner by myself and happened to run into a group of women who were celebrating their friend’s divorce.”

  I groaned and shook my head. “Of course, you did. Only you can have that kind of luck.”

  “I told you to come with me, but you were being your usual boring self.”

  I nodded. “Yep.” I wasn’t going to admit to anything.

  “You had a clear path to taking River home with you,” he said. “I was a great wingman. I set you up for success and you blew it.”

  “I’m not going to get into something with another professor,” I said. “It goes against the rules. I need to keep my nose clean if I want to get tenure.”

  “I think you could screw up a few times while you’re young and worry about tenure later.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m not that young and I have no interest in screwing up,” I said. “Mistakes tend to follow you a lot longer than you think.”

  “You are not a goody goodie,” he said. “You can pretend you are, but I know you better than that. I’ve witnessed some of your debauchery.”

  “Not with people that can report my debauchery back to the people that matter,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell him that was exactly what I did.

  “Why don’t you just go out and find a wife?” He said it like it was the worst thing ever.

  “Unless they have a wife store at the mall, I don’t think that’s an option,” I said.

  “You know what I mean,” he said. “You’re all about acting fifty and wearing sweater vests. Don’t you need a wife to complete this picture?”

  “No and I don’t wear sweater vests.”

  “We should go out this weekend,” he said. “Now that I know you know how to have fun, we could go to one of those new clubs. Unless you prefer to go to a karaoke bar.”

  “Very funny,” I scoffed.

  “Seriously, that was a different side of you,” he said. “You looked like you were having fun with the chick. I can’t believe you couldn’t close that deal. She was staring at you like she wanted to mount you right on that stage.”

  “You’re an idiot.”

  “Dude, I’m not the only one who thought you guys were going to end up in the bathroom together,” he said with a laugh.

  That wasn’t good. “What?”

  “You guys were all over each other. Technically, I suppose she was more on you than the other way around.”

  I did not want to hear this. I had to get to class. I hoped everyone was too drunk to remember what they saw that night. I didn’t need to be a part of the rumor mill. That was not how I wanted people to know me. I needed to keep my nose clean.

  “I’ve got to go,” I said. “Drink water. You look like shit.”

  I closed my laptop and stuffed it in my bag. I headed for my class. I felt like everyone was looking at me. This was not good. Someone would screw up soon enough. As soon as a professor got caught spending a little too much one-on-one time with a student, no one would remember me singing a little karaoke with the sexiest woman on campus.

  I made it to my class without anyone pointing and accusing me of sleeping with a fellow teacher. This was why you didn’t shit where you ate. Vulgar, but true. Now, I had to avoid seeing her. I needed to figure out how to move my office back to my building without running into her.

  I wasn’t too worried she was going to seek me out. She did run out in the middle of the night without saying a word. She was the first one to say we shouldn’t because we worked together. She was probably feeling the same regrets. Neither of us was going to say anything to anyone about what happened. I was certain of that. Now, we just needed to let it lay low for a bit. We’d run into each other eventually and go through the normal how are you stuff and go back to normal.

  “Professor, do you have a minute?” I heard someone say.

  I turned to find one of my students standing in the door. “I do,” I said. “Come in.”

  I was happy for the distraction. It was time to get back into the groove. Time to refocus my energy on getting tenure.

  11

  River

  I found myself humming as I cleaned up the studio after my last class of the day. I popped paintbrushes into the cleaning solution and made sure all the lids were on the paint bottles. It was amazing that even at eighteen, nineteen, and twenty years old, they were still as messy as five-year-olds. I tossed in a few more brushes before going to check supplies.

  “Knock, knock,” I heard Gwen say.

  “In here,” I called out.

  She popped her head in the supply closet. “Cleaning up after the kids again?”

  “Always.”

  “I don’t understand why you don’t make them clean up after themselves.”

  “I do and then I have to actually clean up,” I said with a laugh. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m meeting a couple of people in the library to study before we go to class in an hour.”

  “The library is on the other side of campus,” I pointed out.

  She smiled. “I had an emergency and can’t make it.”

  I shook my head. “Oh, I see.”

  “I haven’t talked to you all weekend,” she said. “How did it go?”

  “Good. Better than I thought.” I couldn’t look at her. I didn’t want her to see my guilt.

  “How long did you stay?” she asked.

  “Um, a couple of hours,” I said nonchalantly.

  “River?”

  “Hmm?” I asked without turning to look at her.

  “River, look at me,” she ordered.

  I sighed and slowly turned. I tried to look innocent. “What?”

  “How was the mixer?” she asked again.

  “Fine.”

  “What did you do?” she asked with her hands on her hips. “Did you even go?”

&nb
sp; “Yes, I went.”

  “You are guilty about something,” she said. “I see it all over your face. What happened? Did you slap someone? Did you fart in a group setting?”

  I frowned. “No. Sheesh. It was actually fun. I had a few drinks and did karaoke.”

  She groaned. “There was karaoke? Of course, there was. What else are a bunch of professors going to do for fun. What about your hot professor? Did he go?”

  I pretended to think about it. “Yeah, he did go.”

  She was staring at me with that look in her eyes. I couldn’t stand up to her scrutiny. This was why I was a good girl. I could never handle being interrogated. I would be the first one in a group to sing like a canary.

  “Yeah, he did go,” she repeated in falsetto.

  “Stop,” I pleaded. “Don’t look at me with those eyes.”

  “I have to use these eyes to look at you,” she shot back. “They are the only ones I have. What did you do? If I was a guessing woman, I would say you and Professor Hotpants hooked up. But since I know you, there is no way that would have happened, right?”

  I quickly nodded. “Right. Not me. I don’t do that.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “Oh my god! You slept with him!”

  “Shh,” I hissed and quickly walked around her to make it to the door. I closed and locked it. I didn’t want to risk anyone coming in and overhearing the conversation.

  “You did! Wow! Tell me everything!”

  “I haven’t told you anything,” I said. “You don’t even know if I did.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “You did.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I know you,” she said. She grabbed a stool from in front of an easel and sat down. “I’m not leaving until you tell me.”

  I sighed. “Okay, fine,” I muttered. “Yes. I slept with him. I did it.”

  She slapped my arm. “Oh my god! You’re not a virgin anymore!”

  “I haven’t been a virgin in a long time,” I scoffed.

  “There’s a one-year rule. If you don’t have sex for a year, you become a virgin again.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure that’s true.”

  “So, when? Where? How long? How big?”

  I felt myself blushing. “Stop. I’m not answering all of those questions.”

  “Okay, then just the last one.”

  “Stop.”

  “All right, tell me everything. How did you get in bed with him, assuming you were in a bed?”

  “We got to drinking and did a little karaoke. There was this connection between us. I think the alcohol might have helped spark the connection, but it was definitely there. He tried to kiss me and I said no. We shared a ride home, but we never made it to my place. I went back to his place.”

  “I told you that outfit was smoking hot!” she exclaimed and clapped her hands. “Was he good?”

  “Yes.”

  “What does he look like?” she asked. “I need details.”

  “He’s tall. He was a swimmer and still has the bod. Dark hair and intense hazel eyes.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “What about—”

  “Don’t you dare ask. I’m not telling you that.”

  She dug her phone out. “What’s his name?”

  “Lukas,” I answered. “Why?”

  She was too busy staring at her phone to look at me. “Oh damn,” she gasped. “Him?”

  She turned her phone to me. A picture of Lukas in yet another suit was on the screen. It was his bio for the school. I looked at it and felt a little pull of excitement. “Yep, that’s him,” I said and couldn’t stop smiling.

  “Holy shit!” she said and looked at the screen again. “I can’t believe you got to do that. He’s hot. When are you seeing him again? Are you guys a thing?”

  “No. Definitely not.”

  She turned the phone for me to see the screen again. “How can you say that? Did you do something embarrassing?”

  “No.”

  “Then why wouldn’t you want to do that again? Hell, I don’t think I’d let that man out of bed.”

  “Shh,” I hissed. “Please stop. You’re going to get me in trouble.”

  “Newsflash, you’re a big girl. The only way you can get in trouble is if you break the law. Even then, there is some serious gray area.”

  “No, no, no,” I said. “I can’t. I basically did break the law.”

  “Uh, this isn’t the thirteenth century.” She snorted. “You can have sex without being married. Especially when the guy is that hot.”

  “It violates the code of conduct,” I said. “I told you that. There isn’t supposed to be any fraternizing.”

  “I know of at least three professors that are married to someone on the staff,” she said.

  “They were grandfathered in,” I told her. “The board is too worried about there being a conflict of interest.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Dumb. How is that even a thing? Where would the conflict be?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, I could understand it would be weird if there was a breakup or a divorce. People might feel weird.”

  “I think you’re an adult and should be able to make your own decisions about who you date. It’s not like you have a lot of free time. This is why workplace romances are so common. You spend time with these people. You actually have stuff in common with him. You’re a thirty-one-year-old professor. It’s not like you have a lot of dating opportunities. This is your dating pool.”

  “We already talked about this,” I told her. “We can’t. I can’t.”

  “What are you guys going to do about it?” she asked.

  “Do about what?”

  “Uh, sleeping together. Sex. Whatever you want to call it.”

  “We’re not going to do anything. We did it once and that’s that. We’re not going to do it again. It was a one-night thing. We got drunk and fell into bed.”

  She looked at her screen again. “Bullshit. This is not the kind of man you have sex with one time. This is the kind of guy you want to snare.”

  “You can’t judge a book by its cover,” I said. “He is not interested in me. We had a good time, but that is it.”

  “It was good?” she teased.

  I grinned. “Yes. He was very good, which is why I have to stay away from him.”

  “You’re addicted to his hotness.” She giggled.

  “He is really hot,” I confessed. “I can’t believe he was interested in me.”

  “You know you’re gorgeous,” she said. “Don’t you think you could at least have a little thing on the down low? It isn’t like you have to tell anyone.”

  “I don’t think he’s interested in that,” I said.

  “Why?”

  “Because he said he doesn’t do relationships. He is very goal orientated. He would see me as a distraction. I don’t want to be a distraction.”

  “He was probably just saying that to sound cool,” she said.

  “He’s not fifteen,” I said. “I think he really isn’t interested in a relationship. I don’t expect that from him. I don’t want that either.”

  “Liar,” she shot back.

  “Regular sex would be nice,” I said with a smile. “Sex with him would be super nice.”

  “How did you guys part ways?” she asked. “Was it the standard I’ll call you line or with a sweet kiss that promised there was more to come?”

  I grimaced and shook my head. “None of the above.”

  “Oh no, did he kick you out?”

  “No, I snuck out when he was sleeping.”

  “You didn’t,” she said with a laugh. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I fell asleep for a bit, and when I woke up, I was naked and snuggled up against him.”

  “Oh, that sounds horrible,” she said. “I would have run out screaming.”

  “Stop. It was too good. The alcohol wore off a bit and reality set in. I was naked with Adonis. That is not what I do. I was afraid he would wake
up and see me and realize I was not Aphrodite. I ran away before he could regret it.”

  “Bullshit,” she said. “He was into you.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because he took you to his place,” she said.

  “We both were drinking,” I said. “I didn’t want him to feel like he owed me anything. It was easier to just leave and avoid that weird conversation.”

  “Chicken,” she said.

  “It could never be a thing,” I said with a sigh. “It was fun and now it’s over. Back to real life.”

  “Boring,” she said and hopped off the stool. “I think you should break the rules more often. It’s a hell of a lot more fun.”

  “Fun, but fun comes with consequences,” I said. “I don’t know if this kind of fun is worth risking my job.”

  She flashed a grin. “I saw his picture and I can only fantasize about how much fun that was. I’d risk my job for that.”

  “Get out of here.” I laughed. “Go to class. You need to graduate at some point.”

  “Try not to get too hot and bothered thinking about Mr. Sexy,” she said and walked out of the room.

  Now that she said it, I was going to have a very hard time not thinking about it. I had spent all day yesterday thinking about my night with him. It had been pretty damn hot. I wished it could have lasted longer. I wished I could have gotten a chance to explore his body a little more in depth.

  I packed up my things and left for the day. I didn’t dare go to my office. I didn’t want to risk running into him. I wouldn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to act. This whole thing was way outside my wheelhouse. I was just glad I didn’t have to do the actual walk of shame. I was certain there was some kind of rule that stated it wasn’t a walk of shame if you left when it was still dark. No one saw me skulking into my apartment at four o’clock in the morning. My shame was all my own.

  I had managed to go months without running into him on campus. With a little effort, I could go another year without seeing him. I needed to let the shame dry out a bit.

  Honestly, I was a little worried I would do something stupid, like ask him to take me to bed again. I couldn’t do that. No, no, no. He was off limits. No more hot sex with the hunk in the expensive suit.