Our Little Secret Page 22

  “Because you just don’t want to come out and see the world, do you?” I rubbed my burgeoning belly.

  I was a week overdue. The doctor said it was normal. I felt like I was going to pop. I couldn’t imagine my body stretching any further. A week didn’t seem like a long time, but being this pregnant and anxious, it felt like a year.

  I was taking advantage of the time and making sure every detail was perfect. The baby’s dresser was filled with clean clothes that had been neatly folded. The nursery was clean and organized. We had enough diapers to outfit at least twenty babies in my opinion, but everyone kept telling me I had about a month’s supply. I couldn’t imagine changing that many diapers. It was like that was going to be all I did.

  The baby’s room was done in a variety of pastel shades with a pale green on the walls. I would have loved to do a princess room if I had known the baby was going to be a girl. I was convinced it was a boy, but we still didn’t know.

  We opted for a jungle theme with lots of pretty green foliage and a variety of animal pictures on the walls. I picked up the painting I had done for our baby and stared at the canvas. It wasn’t necessarily a jungle picture, but it was in the same colors to match the rest of the room. I had spent the last month working on it. I kept thinking I wouldn’t have time to get it done before the baby was born. Clearly, the baby had other plans.

  I hung the painting and adjusted it just a little. I smiled at the finished product. I loved the nursery. It was perfect. Lukas and I had worked on it together to create the perfect home for our child. I walked to the window and looked out. The nursery had a perfect view of the backyard. I couldn’t wait to have toys littering that backyard one day soon.

  I had moved in with Lukas three months ago. I still had the apartment for now, but I was beginning to buy into Lukas’s line of thinking. It didn’t make good financial sense for me to keep paying the rent on it. I thought I would use it more. As it turned out, I liked spending time at home. My new home. Our home. I liked being with Lukas. Sometimes I would go over and try to paint, but I found I got more inspiration from being at home than I did in the apartment that felt just a little cold and empty.

  As I was scanning the room, I noticed one of the stuffed animals on the shelf was falling. “Oh no, Mr. Elephant,” I said and tried to reach the thing. “You are not taking a header. Not on my watch.”

  I couldn’t quite reach the thing. “Dammit.”

  “What are you doing?” Lukas asked as he rushed to my side.

  “The elephant is falling,” I said.

  He easily reached up and righted the thing. “Done.” He looked around the room and immediately spotted the new canvas. “You finished it!”

  I nodded, feeling a little proud of my masterpiece. “I did.”

  “It’s gorgeous, babe. I love it. The baby is going to love it.”

  “Thank you. If he ever decides to grace us with his presence, he’ll get to see it.”

  “He’s going to show up in his own due time,” he said and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

  It was how he had to hug me these days. My belly made it next to impossible for him to get close like he used to. He propped his hands on my belly and rested his chin on my head. We stood silent as we looked around the room.

  “I can’t believe that soon this room is going to smell like baby powder and poopy diapers,” I said with a sigh.

  He laughed. “I hope it doesn’t smell like poopy diapers. We have that diaper machine that is supposed to eliminate that odor.”

  “A good poopy smell,” I said. “The smell that lets us know we’ve got a baby in the house. Assuming he exits the womb.”

  “You’re still convinced it’s a boy,” he said.

  “I am.”

  “I almost bought this pretty little dress the other day. Once she’s here, I’m buying it.”

  I shook my head. “I know it’s a boy. I can feel his dominant little energy inside me. He’s going to be a lot like you. I tell him not to kick my kidney and he does it anyway. I hope we know what we’re doing.”

  “We’ve read the books. We’ve gotten tips from every human within a hundred-mile radius. We can’t be any worse than the other first-time parents. We’re going to do fine.”

  I sighed and turned to face him. “I’m so anxious to meet him. And to have my body back.”

  He leaned down and kissed me. “I know you are. I bought a little gift for the baby.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You are worse than me when it comes to spoiling this kid before he even shows up.”

  He picked up a box from the changing table. It was wrapped with a red ribbon. “Open it.”

  “I thought it was for the baby.”

  “You are opening it by proxy since you two are sharing a body at the moment.”

  “If this kid has his way, we’ll be sharing this body for the rest of my days,” I complained. “My back is killing me. He must have a foot back there. Gives me a good kick now and then.”

  “You’re probably doing too much,” he said with a look of concern. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy. We both know the next few months are going to be intense. I wish you would rest more.”

  “I wanted to get that painting done and make sure everything was ready,” I said as I opened the box. I stared at a porcelain pig. “Um, I’ve never actually been to a jungle, but I don’t think they have pigs.”

  He laughed and pulled it out, giving it a good shake. “It’s a piggy bank. I’m starting our child’s first savings account. Once he gets enough in this bank, we’ll put his money in a real bank and start accruing interest.”

  I laughed. “You are too much. Our baby is going to be financially savvy by the time he’s five. I can see him showing up to kindergarten with a pocket protector and a calculator. He’s going to be giving investment advice to his fellow kindergarteners.”

  He proudly grinned. “I hope so. That would be awesome.”

  I looked up into the face of the man I loved more with each passing day. He was handsome and kind and he doted on me like it was his mission in life. I had heard people say they fell more in love with someone every day and I always thought it was cheesy. Looking at him now, I believed it.

  “I love you,” I said and leaned up on my toes to give him a kiss when I felt a sharp pain in my belly. “Ow.” I winced and grabbed my belly a second before I felt my legs growing wetter. “Oh no.”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  I stepped back and looked down at my legs. The gray sweats I was wearing were wet. “Uh, either I just pissed my pants, or my water broke.”

  “Your water broke?” he asked with alarm. “Are you sure? The book says that doesn’t happen until you’re like halfway through the labor process.”

  “Lukas, I pee a lot, but I can usually hold it,” I said dryly. “My water broke.”

  “Oh shit,” he murmured. “Right now?”

  “Yes, now.”

  “Oh shit,” he said again and stared at me. “You’re in labor? But you haven’t had any contractions.”

  The man was far too logical. This was why he couldn’t read books. He didn’t have a way to see around what he read. If it was in black and white, it was fact. I put my hands on his cheeks and made him look at me. “Lukas, I’m going to change. Will you please get the hospital bag? We need to go to the hospital.”

  “Okay.” He nodded. “Right. Got it. Do you need help?”

  “I got this,” I said.

  I went across the hall to our bedroom. Lukas was right behind me with his hand on my back. “How are you doing? Are you having contractions? Do you need to breathe?”

  “I’m breathing. I don’t think I’m having contractions yet.” I grabbed a clean pair of pants and panties and quickly changed.

  Lukas was waiting at the bedroom door with the hospital bag in his hand. “I’ll help you down.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  We slowly moved down the stairs, stopping once when there was
another pinch in my back. He calmly rubbed my back and waited. “Ready?” he asked.

  “Yep. Thank you.”

  He helped me into the car, stashed the hospital bag in the back seat, and rushed around to get in on the driver’s side. “How are you doing?” he asked.

  “I’m almost afraid to say it isn’t bad,” I told him. “The videos made it look much worse. Maybe this isn’t really labor.”

  “You might just be in the beginning stages,” he said as he backed out of the driveway. “I don’t really want to be one of those couples pulling into the hospital with a baby popping out.”

  “Uh, trust me, I don’t want that either,” I said with a laugh.

  “You’re laughing. That’s a good sign.”

  “I can’t believe this is finally happening,” I said. “I have to text Gwen.”

  I grabbed my phone and quickly sent her a text. Then I sent one to my dad. No one was going to the hospital. I didn’t want to have everyone waiting around for hours if the labor took forever.

  “We’ve got the bag,” he said aloud. “I’ve got change for the vending machine. Phone charger.”

  I listened to him go through his checklist. He was staying remarkably calm. I felt calm as well. I expected this moment to be full of craziness. It wasn’t. It just felt like we were driving to pick up takeout.

  “You’re amazing,” I told him and reached over to grab his thigh. “I’m so glad you’re my partner in this.”

  “Baby, I’m freaking out inside,” he said. “I’m trying to be cool. I’m nervous and anxious. I don’t want you to suffer.”

  “I’m okay,” I said. “I really am. I’m not worried.”

  “You’re braver than I am,” he said.

  He pulled in front of the hospital. “No, no, just park,” I said. “I don’t think we’re worthy of an emergency.”

  “Are you sure?” he asked. “That’s a long way to walk.”

  “I want to walk. I want to make sure this labor moves along. The doctor said walking was good.”

  He groaned. “Walking the halls with doctors all around us. Please don’t make me catch this baby.”

  I laughed and patted his leg again. “It’s going to be okay. I’m certain I would be feeling some pain if the baby was coming. I mean, he’s coming, but if I have a painless labor, that would be a miracle.”

  “Let’s hope for a miracle,” he said and parked the car. “I don’t know if I can handle seeing you in pain.”

  I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to the pain, but I wasn’t afraid. I was anxious to finally meet our baby.

  36

  Lukas

  I didn’t know how she was doing, but I felt like I had electricity humming through my veins. I think I would have felt better if we could have come in hot with me hollering and pushing her in a wheelchair. This all felt surreal. We were casually strolling down the hall to the birthing center like we were here for our tour.

  “Can I help you?” a nurse at the desk asked.

  “She’s in labor,” I blurted out. “Her water broke about twenty minutes ago.”

  The woman looked at River. “Are you having contractions?”

  River wrinkled her nose. “I keep getting this pinch in my back. My back has been hurting all day, but I don’t think I’m having contractions.”

  The woman laughed. “Oh, sweetie, you are in labor. Have you guys already preregistered?”

  I bobbed my head up and down. “Yes.”

  Ten minutes later, she was dressed in a gown and lying in a bed. We were lucky it was slow, and she was given full attention. If she’d been ignored or if they were too busy to attend to her, I would have lost my shit.

  “The doctor will be in soon,” a nurse announced. “We’re going to get you hooked up to the monitor and see what’s going on.”

  Two hours later, she was in active labor. I held her hand when she wanted. I rubbed her back when she asked. I did everything I could to try and make her comfortable. She barely said a word as her body worked to push the baby out.

  “You’re amazing,” I whispered in her ear. “You are my hero.”

  “One more,” the doctor said.

  She grunted and squeezed my hand. A moment later, the baby was in the doctor’s hands. “It’s a boy!” he announced.

  “I told you,” she said with a laugh.

  “Ready to do your part?” the nurse asked and handed me the scissors.

  I could barely see past the tears pooling in my eyes. I cut the cord. My son’s cord. He was officially in the world. I couldn’t believe the love I felt for a tiny human I had not even officially met yet. When he was placed on River’s chest, I stared down at the two most important people in the world to me.

  “Now that you see your son, the boy I said he was, you have to admit I’m always right,” she said with a bright smile.

  “I’m going to give you this one,” I told her. “You were right, but I reserve the right to occasionally question your rightness.”

  I grabbed my phone and took video of our son being weighed and going through the usual process. My heart felt huge. I felt so much love. It was like I was soaring through the air. Then he was finally placed in my arms, all wrapped up in a blanket like a little burrito.

  “Hi,” I whispered as I stared into his face.

  I moved to the bed and held him up for River to see. “He’s gorgeous,” she said. “Of course.”

  “He’s the best looking thirty-minute-old I’ve ever seen,” I said with a laugh.

  “A boy,” she said with a sigh. “I knew it. I could feel him.”

  “Yes, you did. I will remember to listen to you in the future.”

  I gently passed him to her to hold. She snuggled him against her chest. “He’s so precious.”

  “I love you,” I told her. “Like I loved you when we were on our way here, but I love you even more. I love you so much it almost hurts. I am in awe of your strength. You are so amazing.”

  Her fingertip brushed over the baby’s cheek. “He’s got so much hair,” she said and pushed up the little hat the nurse put on him.

  I could only stare at them. Then I realized I wanted to capture this moment. I grabbed my phone and took several pictures. “I better call everyone,” I said.

  “Let them know the rules about visiting,” she said.

  “I will. Everyone can meet him later, once we’re home and settled.”

  A nurse came in a moment later. “Are you ready to try feeding him?” she asked.

  “I’ll try,” River said.

  “I’m going to step out and make the calls,” I told her.

  “Tell my dad I’ll call him in a bit,” she said.

  I called my mom first. “It’s a boy!” I blurted out.

  I heard my mom squealing and then tell my dad. “Congratulations! When can we see him?”

  “The hospital has restricted visitors for the time being, but in a few days after we’re home,” I told her.

  She asked for the details, which I happily gave her. “I’ll send you a picture. I need to call her dad.”

  “Take lots of pictures!” she said.

  “I will, Mom. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  After I ended the call with her, I opened up the group chat with my family. I sent the picture followed by the stats. I attempted to call her dad, but my phone was blowing up with responses from my family. Her father deserved a personal phone call. I couldn’t get away with sending him a text. Things were good between us, but there was still a little awkwardness. We weren’t exactly best buds, but we were slowly getting to know each other better.

  I was sure he was still irritated with me for getting together with her. He was still upset she wasn’t working at the university. I tried to understand his reasons. He wanted her to have this big, successful career. He didn’t seem to understand she didn’t want what he wanted. He was still pushing her to go back to the university for the fall semester.

  I was trying not to butt my nose in, but dam
n if the guy didn’t piss me off with his constant pushing of her. But I didn’t have to worry. She could stand up for herself. She did it time and again. With her in full mama-bear mode, I had a feeling she was going to let her dad know in no uncertain terms what she wanted.

  “Dave,” I said when he picked up the phone.

  “How is she? Is everything okay? Is the baby here?”

  He cared. I had to remember that when he was pushing her to get back to work. “It’s a boy,” I announced.

  “Congratulations,” he said. “How is she?”

  “She’s great,” I said. “She did amazing. The baby is healthy. She’s feeding him now.”

  “Good, good,” he said. “When are visiting hours?”

  “Um, we’re asking everyone to come by the house in a few days,” I said. “The hospital is restricting visitors. The doctor says we’ll be home tomorrow if everything goes well tonight.”

  “I understand.”

  “She said to tell you she’s going to call you in a bit,” I added.

  “You tell her I love her, but I’ll see her later. She needs to get her rest. I imagine she’s exhausted.”

  Again, I reminded myself he loved her. She was his entire world. I was taking his little girl. I needed to tread lightly. “I’ll tell her.”

  “Congratulations again. Do you have a name?”

  “No. I think we have it narrowed down. She probably already knows his name. She knew he was a boy. When she tells me, I’ll let you know.”

  He laughed. “That’s my girl.”

  I called Brad next and let him know the good news before going back into the room. She was nursing the baby. I wanted a picture of that as well, but I wasn’t sure she would be okay with that. Once the baby was fed and sleeping, it was my turn to hold him again.

  I sat down in the ugly pink chair with him cradled in my arms. “Your dad says to rest,” I whispered.

  She reached for her phone and took a picture of me and the baby. “You are so handsome,” she said.