Our Little Secret Read online

  “I appreciate him wanting to be involved. I think his spiel and delivery were way off.”

  “I think this is a case of miscommunication,” she said. “I saw how happy that man was today, minus the part where his best friend screwed up his surprise. Which by the way, he was so excited to show you. I tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted. He wanted to give you something big and memorable.”

  “It was a nice gesture, but that’s not why I’m pissed at him. It was the moving thing. Stay focused.”

  She burst into laughter. “Sorry. Okay, let’s put everything into perspective. The man wants to take care of you. He wants you to live in his big house so he can take care of you and the baby. I think that’s amazing. It’s sweet.”

  I popped another creampuff into my mouth. “That’s not the point. You’re missing the part where he just made all those decisions for me. I didn’t even get to have a say. He didn’t ask me what I wanted. Do you know why he thinks I should move into his place?”

  “Because his place is bigger?”

  “No! Because it makes sound financial sense,” I said. “He says it was logical and rational and blah, blah, blah. He doesn’t want me to move in with him because he wants a happily ever after. He wants to save money. Seriously, money. The man cannot stop thinking about finances. It’s not exactly romantic. If he were to ever propose, I’m sure he would say it was good for tax purposes or something. It’s like signing a business contract. It’s not love or because he’s really interested in taking care of me.”

  She grimaced and took a drink from her glass. “That isn’t exactly romantic. I give you that, but I think you have to look at his intention. He isn’t trying to be cold. He’s just one of those people who is very logical.”

  “This is what I’m afraid of,” I whispered. “He’s logical. I’m pregnant. The logical thing for him to do is make sure I’m taken care of as well as the baby. It’s just what needs to be done. It isn’t an emotional reaction. It’s more about duty.”

  “I don’t know if that’s true,” she said. “He cares about you. I saw that today.”

  “He might care about me, but I don’t know that he feels the same way I feel about him,” I said.

  “What do you feel about him?” she asked.

  “Oh god,” I groaned. “I love him. It isn’t just because I’m pregnant with his child. I love him.”

  “Have you told him that?” she asked.

  “No.”

  She sighed. “You need to tell him,” she said. “He might feel the same way, but he hasn’t told you because he doesn’t know if you feel the same.”

  “I don’t know. This is such a mess. Only I could get myself into a situation like this. The father of my baby is basically perfect, but he is too logical. Too reasonable. Does that make sense?”

  “I get what you’re saying, but I think you need to at least give him the benefit of the doubt. He might very well love you. In fact, I think he does. I saw the way he was watching you today. You make such a cute couple. And yes, I do see that uptight side of him, but today he was so cute with you and his family.”

  She wasn’t wrong. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to think,” I groaned. “Maybe I’m being hormonal. My dad always says I’m too stubborn for my own good. I just don’t know what to think.”

  “I think it’s understandable that you are worried about the future,” she said. “I think you guys need to have a conversation about what you both want. It would also be a good idea to talk about how you feel for one another. You’re going to want to figure this out before that little peanut makes his grand entrance.”

  “Oh good, I only have a couple more months to stew on this,” I groaned.

  She put her glass down. “Not tonight. No stewing. Let’s watch a movie. I’ll drink, you eat. No more thinking about whether he loves you or loves you not. This is supposed to be a happy day.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “Let’s find a sappy movie. Then I can cry, and it will be about the movie and not my life.”

  “Perfect. And I can cry about the fact I have no man, no degree, and no prospect of either coming into my life anytime soon.”

  “We are both miserable people,” I said with a laugh.

  We moved to my couch in my living room that was too small and decided to watch Titanic. It seemed fitting for the day.

  “Gwen?”

  “Yes?” she asked without taking her eyes off the TV.

  “Your apps were amazing. Really, really good. That culinary course you took is paying off.”

  “Thank you,” she said with a proud smile. “I’m excited to try some other stuff I learned.”

  “But I’m hungry,” I blurted out. “Would you be offended if I ordered a pizza?”

  “Not at all,” she said. “Stuffed crust with extra cheese.”

  I grabbed my phone and pulled up the pizza app. I splurged and ordered breadsticks and chocolate chip cookies. I was trying not to use the baby as an excuse to eat more, but sometimes it was too hard to resist. Tonight was one of those nights. I didn’t want to resist.

  We stuffed ourselves with pizza and I did my best not to think about the Lukas situation. I was feeling better, but it was still in the back of my mind.

  She turned to me at the end of the movie. “Lukas is a Jack,” she said.

  “Come again?”

  “Lukas is the kind of guy that would freeze to death to make sure you were safe,” she said.

  “You’re drunk.”

  “No, I’m serious. Just because he hasn’t said the words, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. Some guys are just not adept at expressing their feelings. He is Jack. He would absolutely do what he could to save you. That’s the kind of man I want. I don’t care if he’s an uptight money guy. I want someone that would walk through fire.”

  “Jack froze to death,” I reminded her.

  “That too. Lukas is your guy. If you don’t want to move into his place, compromise.”

  “How do we compromise?” I asked. “It’s kind of an either-or situation.”

  “No, you guys could find a place together. You get to both decide what you are looking for in a home. Then you move in together. It won’t be your place or his. It will be yours together.”

  “That sounds good in theory, but his place is really nice, and it would be silly for him to sell it just to buy something else.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Well at least you can see the logic in that.”

  “You’re saying I’m being illogical,” I pouted.

  “Not at all. No more talking about it. What are we watching next?”

  I flipped through the channels until we found a scary movie to watch. Scary was better than sad. We huddled together and screamed at the jump scares.

  34

  Lukas

  I was going to drive myself crazy if I sat in the house another minute. I couldn’t stop replaying the conversation in my head. The look on her face was haunting me. I needed to do something, or I was going to do something stupid.

  I texted Brad. You owe me a drink. I’ll meet you at the bar in thirty minutes.

  I was going to milk his mistake just a little longer. I couldn’t really be mad at him. He had tried. He failed, but he tried. I should have done a dry run or at the very least inspected the contraption. Besides, his mistake was nothing compared to mine in River’s eyes.

  When he texted back and agreed to meet me, I called an Uber. I planned on getting a tiny bit drunk. I wanted to drown my sorrows and numb the weird feeling I had in my gut. It was new and I didn’t like it. I was hoping alcohol was the cure.

  Brad arrived almost immediately after I did. I had already ordered a beer. “I thought I was buying you a drink,” he said.

  “You are. The next one and maybe the one after that.”

  “I thought you guys would be digging through your booty,” he said.

  “I thought we would be doing that as well,” I said. “As it turns out, I’m an a
sshole.”

  “I already knew that,” he said with a laugh.

  “Now she thinks I am. Do you want to know why?”

  “I’m afraid to ask,” he replied.

  “I told her we should have taken the baby stuff to my place because she was going to be living there soon.”

  He sipped his beer. “Makes sense.”

  “Exactly!” I said and slapped my hand on the table. “That’s exactly right. It makes sense. It’s logical.”

  “I’m not sure why we’re here. I thought you were still pissed at me.”

  “I am, but you’re the only one speaking to me right now.”

  “What’d you do?” he asked.

  “I just told you,” I said. “I assumed we would take the stuff to my place because that’s where she will live.”

  He had his beer halfway to his mouth when he stopped. “You assumed? She didn’t know you planned on her moving in with you?”

  “Again, it just seemed like the logical next step. She is having my baby. She isn’t working full-time. We are together. We’re going to raise the baby together. She can’t expect me to move into her tiny apartment. The baby isn’t even going to fit in there. It’s small and cramped and on the second floor. Why would she expect me to move in with her?”

  “Did she expect you to move in with her?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Actually, no. I’m not sure she planned on us living together at all. From what I gathered, her idea was to have us bouncing back and forth between homes. No, not us, me. She and the baby were going to be all cozy in her little apartment and I would stop over as a guest.”

  He winced. “Ouch.”

  “Yeah, ouch. She obviously isn’t planning to be with me.”

  “Why are you in the doghouse?” he asked.

  “Because I made the mortal sin of assuming she would move in with me,” I said. “I tried to explain to her it made good financial sense as well. I told her I wasn’t expecting her to move in until after her lease was up.”

  He groaned and put a hand over his face. “Damn, man. I thought you had turned a corner. How could I have been so wrong?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You are treating her like this is a financial transaction. Like she’s money to be moved around like an investment or a stock. She’s a woman carrying your child. She’s not a problem to be solved. She’s a woman that is really into you. If you want to keep her, you need to invest in her, not because it’s financially sound, but because you want to.”

  “That’s probably the worst analogy I’ve ever heard.”

  “You know what I mean,” he said. “Show her you care. Tell her you care. Don’t bring up money and how much you’ll save if she lives with you. That’s not exactly romantic. You’re supposed to be clever. You know, you slip her a key to the house in a pretty box or you take her some flowers and ask her to move in with you because you can’t live without her. Come on, you can’t be that naïve.”

  I was beginning to understand the problem. “Shit. I screwed up.”

  “I doubt it is that bad,” he said. “She’s probably pissed but you can fix it.”

  “She kicked me out of her place. I’m not sure she’s going to welcome me back with open arms.”

  “I’m sure she will if you ask really nice and apologize for being such an idiot,” he joked.

  I finished my beer. “You still owe me a beer.”

  “Good talk,” he called out as I walked out of the bar. I caught a cab and texted her on my way only to find out she had company. This was the problem with her tiny apartment.

  She agreed to meet me downstairs. I got the idea she was purposely keeping me out of her apartment. I supposed I couldn’t really blame her. I waited downstairs for her.

  “Hi,” I said when she came down.

  “Hi.”

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I was an idiot. I told you I’ve never had a long-term girlfriend. I guess you can probably see why. I never meant to insult you. I went about it all wrong. When I said I assumed you would live with me, it wasn’t me taking away your choice. I want you to be happy. I want to be a part of your life. I want to wake up with you and go to bed with you. I want to wake up at two o’clock in the morning to our baby crying. I’ll roll over and tell you to go back to sleep and I take care of our baby. I looked at the end game and kind of skipped over the middle part.”

  “I’m the middle part,” she said with a smile.

  “Yes. I’m sorry. Keep your apartment. I still would really love you to move in with me. The townhouse is big enough for all three of us. We’ll have room to grow. I know you need your independence. I get it. Keep the apartment and use it as an art studio or an escape from me and the baby. If you want to come here and have a girls’ night with Gwen, that’s cool. I’m on board with that. I just ask that you don’t do it too often. I’ll miss you.”

  “Why?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “Why do you want me to live in your townhouse?” she asked.

  I touched her cheek. “I need you with me. I want you with me. I want to wake up with you. I want to have dinner with you. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I want all of it. It won’t be my house. It will be our house. You can do whatever you want to make it feel like home. I want you to feel like you are home. I want you to make it your home.”

  She smiled and leaned into my hand. “Thank you. That’s what I wanted to hear. I wanted you to want me, not want me because it was financially sound.”

  “I hope you know I didn’t mean it like that,” I said. “I tend to think numbers and forget being human.”

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I freaked out a little.”

  I kissed her. The kiss intensified. I had to step back. We were in the parking lot of her building. “Let’s go to my place,” I said.

  “No need,” Gwen said as she came downstairs. “My ride will be here any minute. You two go on upstairs before you get arrested for fornicating in public.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked. “I don’t want to get in the way.”

  “Nope, I’m out. You guys have fun. I’m glad to see everything worked out.”

  I wasn’t going to beg her to stay, and I was definitely not going to wait for her to change her mind. I grabbed River’s hand. “Let’s go.”

  We rushed upstairs and barely made it through the door before we were peeling our clothes off. I grabbed her face and held her steady as I kissed her. I pinned her body to the wall. “I want to do this anytime we want,” I said. “I want to be sitting at home, eating dinner, and get an urge to fuck you senseless. I want to be able to clear the table and fuck you until we are both shouting in pleasure.”

  “I love it when you talk dirty,” she murmured. “More.”

  “I want to fuck you on the stairs,” I murmured. “I want to put you on the kitchen counter and make you come as I pound into you. I want you to drag your nails across my back and scream my name while your sweet pussy clamps down on my dick.”

  She moaned and put her head back while my mouth sucked on her neck. I covered every inch of her skin. I clamped my mouth down on her shoulder and sucked hard. She rubbed her pussy against my bare thigh. She cried out. Her hot juices dripped over my thigh.

  I bent over and picked her up, carrying her to her bedroom. “You won’t be able to do that much longer.” She giggled as I laid her on the bed.

  “I’ll start working out,” I said. “I’ll carry you anywhere.”

  “Stop trying to sweet talk me,” she murmured. “You’ve got me. I’m naked and I want you.”

  “I’m not sweet talking you,” I said as I opened her legs. “I’m telling you exactly what’s going to happen.”

  I pushed inside her as I watched her face the whole time. I watched her smile fade as ecstasy took over. “Look at me,” I told her.

  Her eyes opened and stared into mine. I moved inside her. “Tell me what you want,” I whispered.

 
“I want you.”

  “Fast? Slow? Tell me.”

  Her hand reached up and pressed over my chest. “I just want you.”

  I leaned forward and kissed her. “You’ve got me. I want to pleasure you.”

  She moaned softly. “You do. So much pleasure.”

  I kissed her until we were both on the edge of ecstasy. I rose up and stared down at her. I watched her lips part as the orgasm moved through her. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I could watch her climax every day, all day. It was hot. It was sexy. It was the face I wanted to see every damn day.

  I closed my eyes and let my body join hers in climax. When I collapsed beside her, I was careful not to put my weight on her. I held her close. There was so much I wanted to say to her. I said the one thing that was most important.

  “I love you,” I said.

  Her head turned, her eyes searching mine. “You do?”

  I nodded. “I do.”

  “I love you too,” she said. “I’m sorry for being a little crazy.”

  “You’re not crazy. I love you. I probably should have told you before. I promise I’m going to do a much better job telling you how I feel in the future. You’re going to get sick of me saying it. I love you. I knew it from that first day. You took my breath away. Damn me for being too stubborn to admit it sooner.”

  “I’m sorry I was so stubborn about the moving situation. I want to live in your house.”

  “Our house,” I corrected. “I want you to feel like it is your home.”

  She kissed me and snuggled against me. This was going to be my future. I knew it like I knew the sky would be blue tomorrow. Now, I just needed to figure out how to express that to her without coming off as heavy-handed.

  35

  River

  I stepped back and checked out my handiwork. The nursery was basically complete, but I wanted to add a few more things. It wasn’t like I had a lot to do with my time. I thought I would be holding my baby and be sleep deprived by now. I wasn’t. I supposed I was a little sleep deprived, but that came from being uncomfortable and having to pee every five minutes.