Our Little Secret Page 15

  “I didn’t ruin anything,” he shot back.

  “Yes, you did,” I whispered. “I’m alone. I’m in this horrible position because I was too afraid to stand up to you. Your archaic rules don’t do anyone any good. You don’t think those people out there are doing it behind your back? I’m just the only one you care about because I’m your daughter. I’m the only one you rule with an iron fist. I’m the only one that has to put up with your bullshit!”

  “Excuse me?” he hissed. “You’re a part of my staff.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, my mistake. If I could go back, I would. I would have taken the lower-paying job if it meant I got to be in control of my life.”

  “Don’t you dare try and act like you’ve suffered in some way because you got a good job at a prestigious university,” he said.

  “This might come as a surprise to you, but there are other things beyond this university. I didn’t need this job, but now you’ve got me in a contract, don’t you? Just more ways for you to control me.”

  “I do not appreciate the way you are talking to me,” he said in that usual calm way. It infuriated me. I had been putting up with his domineering ways for too long. I didn’t know why I stayed for as long as I did. It was stupid.

  “Dad, I love you,” I said. “I do, but if you attempt to fire Lukas or take any kind of adverse action against him, I will help him sue the university.”

  “What are you talking about?” he scoffed.

  “You have no proof of anything,” I said. “If you try to say Lukas and I did anything to violate your precious rules, I’ll deny it. I’ll deny everything. It will be your word against mine and his. I guarantee he will side with me. Wrongful termination will cost you everything. I’ll make sure he wins if you try to pull anything.”

  “River! You don’t get to make that kind of threat. You know I’m only trying to protect you.”

  “And I’m protecting him from you,” I replied.

  The look on his face said it all. He was shocked. “Wow,” he said with a shake of his head. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

  “Say you’ll leave him alone,” I said. “Let me handle my business. This is my business.”

  “You are my daughter. My pregnant daughter with no husband. No boyfriend. You are knocked up like a common—”

  I folded my arms across my chest. “A common what, Dad? A common whore?”

  “Don’t talk like that,” he hissed.

  “I’m going on sabbatical,” I said calmly. “No one is going to know about my baby. I will never speak of the father. I’m asking you to let me do this. I need you to let me do this.”

  He stared at me and then at his desk. He tapped his finger against it. I could see him debating. I would do what I had to. I couldn’t let him destroy Lukas’s life. It wasn’t fair to him. I chose to keep the baby. I chose to sleep with him. My dad wanted to believe I was innocent. I wasn’t. I would take the bulk of the responsibility.

  “You leave me only one choice,” he finally said.

  I waited. I wasn’t sure my bluff would work. I was gambling, something Lukas would never do. I had no real power here.

  “What would that be?” I asked.

  “I have to fire you,” he said without showing an ounce of emotion.

  I, however, was soaring inside. This was the break I needed. This was the best option. I couldn’t quit and break my contract. Him firing me was a mercy move. It was the most generous thing he could do for me. I walked around his desk and hugged him. “Thank you.”

  He got to his feet and hugged me back. “I don’t know why you’re thanking me, but you are welcome.”

  “Thank you for trusting me to do this,” I said.

  “I’m not sure I do trust you to do this, but I would like you to lean on me. We’ve got some stuff to work out, but we’ll figure something out.”

  “Should I finish the semester?” I asked.

  “I can’t let you do that,” he said. “Your termination is effective immediately.”

  I was a little disappointed to lose the last couple of weeks with my students, but I understood his rationale. It was for the best. “I understand,” I said.

  “I’ll put out a memo letting everyone know.”

  “Can you give it a day or two until I can talk to a few people?” I asked.

  “I’ll need you to clean out your office,” he said.

  He was in full dean mode. “Okay.”

  I turned and walked out of the office. There was nothing more to be said. Our relationship was going to be strained for a while, but there was nothing I could do about that. The damage was done.

  I made my way back across campus. I felt a sense of sadness. It was the end of a chapter in my life. I was embarking on a new chapter. One that terrified me. I smiled as I walked past a few students. I was going to miss the place.

  I walked to my office and looked around. I felt like I was deserting my students. I wasn’t too worried my dad was going to have me hauled off by security. I grabbed my notebook and jotted down a note for several of my students in the advanced painting class. Some of them had real potential. I wanted them to know how special they were.

  I left the notes on top of my desk. I picked up the few personal things I had. I would need to come back for the rest. Now that I was free of my contract and the restrictions that went with it, I could try and have a relationship with Lukas. I didn’t know if he would want me, but I had to try. Not just for my sake but for our child’s sake.

  The worst he could do was reject me. At least I would know I tried. We could try and be friends at the very least. I wanted him to know his child. I wouldn’t pressure him into anything, but it would be nice if he could at least visit.

  24

  Lukas

  I was midway through my lecture when the door to my classroom opened. I glanced over, half-expecting it to be the dean prepared to pull me out of class and hand me my walking papers. It wasn’t the dean, but it was his daughter.

  She stood in the doorway and simply stared at me. “Can I help you?” I asked.

  “Can we talk?”

  “Right now?” I asked and nodded toward my full class.

  She grimaced. “It’s important.”

  We did have a lot to talk about. I checked the time. It was about fifteen minutes before class was scheduled to be over. It wasn’t like I was going to break their heart if I released them a little early. I clapped my hands together. “Guys, it’s your lucky day,” I said. “That’s all I have for today. Study. Study hard. This final is no joke. I don’t want to see anyone fail, but if you don’t do the work, you bet your butts you will not pass my class.”

  I turned to look at River. “Give me two minutes,” I said in a gruff voice. “We’ll go to my office.”

  She nodded. “I’ll meet you over there.”

  I scoffed and shook my head. “We would hate for anyone to see us walking together and get the wrong idea.”

  She gave me a strange look before walking away. That was probably uncalled for, but I was still pissed. I felt like she completely manipulated me. Then again, if she really was pregnant with my baby, I needed to respect her. She was the mother of my child.

  “Holy shit,” I muttered as I packed up my stuff.

  I still couldn’t get my head around that idea. Me, a father. That was not in the cards. It didn’t seem real. I told myself I would freak out later. I had a class and wasn’t able to give the situation any real thought. Maybe she was going to tell me it wasn’t my kid. I wasn’t sure I wanted that either. I didn’t know what the hell I wanted. The woman had me twisted up in knots.

  She was leaning up against the wall next to my office door. That was when I saw the bump. She was definitely pregnant. I couldn’t stop staring at the evidence. “You’re pregnant,” I whispered.

  She put a hand on her belly. “Yes, I am.”

  I quickly unlocked my office door and gestured for her to sit down. “Do we need to do this now?” I asked.
“Right here?”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just needed to get this out.”

  “What is it?” I asked. “I mean, beyond the obvious.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who my father was,” she said. “I don’t tell anyone he’s my father. That’s a whole other topic. There is a lot to say, but most importantly, I’m sorry. I should have told you when we went back to your place. I honestly didn’t think twice about it. He’s not really at the top of my mind all the time. Things happened fast.”

  “And when it was over and you suddenly remembered who you were, you left. When I asked you to karaoke, you could have told me then.”

  She nodded. “You’re right. I should have. I got caught up in the moment.”

  “And when the moment was over, you suddenly remembered who you were,” I said.

  She shrugged. “Yes, I suppose that’s right. Lukas, this thing that happened between us wasn’t supposed to happen, but I’m not sorry it did. I liked what we had. I liked you. I’m sorry to spring all of this on you, but I need to say it before I change my mind. That night at the mixer, I started to fall for you. I know it’s crazy and probably impossible to fall for anyone that fast, but I did. I thought the feelings would go away if I just didn’t see you. They didn’t. I can’t explain it, but I fell for you, dammit.”

  I stared at her with shock. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “What?”

  “I know this is crazy. I kept telling myself it was just a silly crush. It’s just, every time I try to pretend those feelings don’t exist, they remind me they do. I expect nothing from you. I know you have your life, and you have goals. I won’t get in your way. I just needed you to know how I felt. I tried to stay away from you. I didn’t want to burden you.”

  “You have feelings for me?” I asked. I felt like an idiot, but I was stunned and left a little speechless.

  “I do. I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you before I lost the nerve. I don’t expect anything from you. This doesn’t have to change your world. I’ve talked with the dean and I feel certain he’s not going to hold any of this against you.”

  “Why now?” I asked. “Why are you telling me this now?”

  She shrugged. “Because I’m not sure I’ll see you again. I didn’t want to have our previous conversation be the last one. I no longer work at the university. I might not get a chance to say it again.”

  “You don’t work here anymore?” I asked.

  She forced a smile. “No. I think you’ll be safe. Good luck.”

  She turned to leave. I needed to cut through my shock and say something before she walked out of my life.

  “Wait,” I said. “Me too.”

  She looked at me with confusion. “What?”

  “I fell for you,” I blurted out. “I fell hard. I’m still falling. I don’t want to stop falling. I want you. I want our baby. I know it’s a gamble, but it’s one I’m willing to take.”

  She offered a soft smile. “That’s a big gamble. It’s a lot more than a dollar.”

  I grinned. “I know. It’s a big deal. I’m ready to take it.”

  “You are?” she whispered.

  I couldn’t stop myself. If she was no longer a colleague and the cat was out of the bag, there was no reason I had to stop. I closed the distance between her and kissed her. I held her close to me and relished in the feeling of being next to her. It was comforting and exciting and exactly what I needed today.

  I pulled back when a thought crossed my mind. “You don’t work at the university anymore?” I asked. “I thought you were taking a sabbatical?”

  She grinned. “I got fired.”

  I laughed. “That’s my girl.”

  “I guess we all get to be good at something.” She smiled. “I got fired. Yeah me.”

  “We can be together.”

  She nodded and then stopped with her hand on my cheek. “I’m not trying to trap you,” she said while looking directly into my eyes. “This wasn’t my mission. I didn’t plan for this to happen.”

  “Trap me,” I said and reached behind her to lock my office door. Then my hands roamed down my sides. “Did you already pack up your office?”

  “I need to get a box for some things,” she murmured while I nuzzled her neck with my mouth.

  “I’ll help you,” I said and slipped my hands under her sweater. “That was my last class of the day. I’m free. I’m yours all day.”

  “What are you doing?” she asked when I pushed down the leggings she was wearing.

  “I like these elastic waistbands. Since you’re pregnant, can I look forward to more pants like this?”

  Her soft laughter sent tingles down my spine. I had missed her more than I even realized. It wasn’t until I was in this very moment with her that I realized just how empty my life had been without her. “It’s all that will fit,” she said. “I need to get some maternity clothes. This little thing just popped up out of nowhere.”

  My hand brushed over her rounded belly for the first time. I couldn’t explain the feeling. It was like getting zapped. That was my child growing inside her.

  “What are we doing?” she whispered.

  I gently pushed her toward my desk that was clear of clutter. “I’ve missed you,” I told her. “I cannot even begin to explain to you just how much I have missed you. You’ve changed my world. I want you to keep changing my world.”

  “And that means sex in your office?” She giggled.

  “It’s not like you can get fired,” I reminded her.

  “True, but on your desk? What if a student comes by?”

  “Aren’t you the artsy type?” I teased as I caressed between her legs. “I thought you guys were all wild and carefree. Isn’t a little public sex a part of your free-spirit culture?”

  She groaned and leaned her head back. “I guess I missed that in the artsy-type brochure, but I’m game.”

  Being near her was all the foreplay I needed. Hearing her say she fell for me was the best aphrodisiac. It made all the other stuff between us seem inconsequential. It could all be worked out later. Right now, I wanted her.

  “Do you want me to wear a condom?” I asked. I was breathing hard, and it was a struggle to talk at all. I was positioned between her legs and was desperate to be inside her, but I wouldn’t if she had reservations. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”

  “I think that ship has sailed,” she said.

  I didn’t hesitate. Being with her was all that mattered. I was almost a little embarrassed that it was over so fast. The rawness of it was too much for me to fight. I had needed her for too long. My forehead rested against hers with my heart pounding hard against my chest.

  “Damn, I’ve missed you,” I said.

  Her hands were on my neck. “I’ve missed you.”

  “We have a lot to talk about.”

  “I know,” she said with a sigh. “We should probably get dressed before we get caught.”

  “What are you afraid of?” I teased. “You can’t get fired again.”

  “I might,” she said as she hopped off the desk. “He’ll extra fire me.”

  I gave her a quick kiss. “I’ve got a little money in the bank. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”

  “Thank you.”

  She pulled her pants back on while I did mine up. I couldn’t believe the sharp turn in my life. I wasn’t even bothered by it. I was terrified, but I was also looking forward to it. I had a lot to figure out, but we would do it together.

  I reached for her and kissed her again. I couldn’t get enough. I didn’t want to let her go. “Stay with me.”

  “In your office?” she asked. “The dean didn’t say he was throwing me off the premises, but I think he would be inclined to if he got word of this.”

  “You don’t want a police escort?” I teased.

  “No. I’m not even letting myself think what this means right now.”

  “Let’s go to my place and talk,” I said. “I want to know ever
ything. I think I can probably do the math and figure out when this little bundle of joy is due to arrive, but I feel like there’s so much to catch up on. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed seeing you and talking to you. I’ve missed doing what we just did a lot. I really missed that.”

  “That was nice.” She grinned. “Fast, but nice.”

  “What can I say?” I hung my head in shame. “You turn me inside out. I promise I will make it up to you.”

  She patted my cheek. “Damn straight you will. I’ll call you later. I need to go home, and I do have a side job I need to work on, especially now that it’s my job. Like my actual job.”

  “Can I come by later?” I asked. I needed to be near her. I didn’t want to go home alone. I had this whole new life to work out.

  But she was right. I was reacting. I needed to do some thinking and planning. A baby changed everything. Every fucking thing I thought I knew about the next five years was just tossed out the window. It was time to regroup and strategize.

  “Um, maybe not tonight,” she said.

  “It’s fine. You’re right. I need to get these grades entered in the system. I’ll call you though, if that’s okay?”

  She smiled. “That would be nice.”

  “Can I walk you to your car or is that too much, too soon?”

  “I would love it if you could walk me to my car. I need to take a few canvases home. I’ll come back tomorrow to clear out my office, assuming the dean doesn’t do it for me.”

  I shook my head. “I cannot believe the dean is your dad. I would have never seen that one coming.”

  She laughed. “Surprise!”

  “You’re full of surprises today.”

  25

  River

  With the holidays behind us, it was time to start looking forward to the future. I had a baby to plan for, but it wasn’t until Gwen informed me I was totally unprepared that I started to panic a little. Her solution was a baby shower.